Bishoujo Senshi Sailor Moon episode 12 Episode title Watashi datte karega hoshii! Goukasen no wana I got one hell of a headache! Get outta my way. Jadeite was watching a DiC video of Sailor Moon. Youma Tetris appeared and said that was the dumbest thing she ever saw. Jadeite wanted to give Tetris a noogie, but Tetris said that she had a nasty case of head lice. She said that she had it since last Tuesday. At school Usagi was looking at the Victoria's Secret catalog and saying to Naru that she wanted to go on the Big Negaverse Boat. Naru said that she knew a nerdy guy who was scalping some tickets. Then Umino came and said that if anyone got on that ship, they would have their energy drained by a youma. But Usagi said that Umino was full of it. Then Umino also said that he had tickets for it, but scalped them all. When Usagi and Naru complained, Umino said that he *might* be able to pick up a few more, but "it'll cost you." Then Usagi said that she was getting nauseous and ran away. In the 10ban shopping district, Usagi was spinning some wheel, but garbanzo beans kept falling out. The guy who owned the wheel said, Hey, quit knocking out my garbanzos!" She was feeling pretty pissed off about the whole thing since she didn't even like garbanzos when she ran into Rei. When Usagi told Rei about it, Rei said that she'd eat Usagi's garbanzos on her Caesar salad at lunch time. Then Rei walked over to the raffle, stepped on an electric cord, and started to glow. Then, she shook the hell out of the wheel and a pinto bean fell out. The wheel owner apologized for the pinto bean and gave her two tickets to the Big Negaverse Boat. Rei was very happy. Usagi said, "I love you, man." Rei said, "You're not getting my Bud Light, Usagi." Later Usagi tried to get the tickets from Rei, but Rei said, "Take a hike, loser. "Usagi said, "Bite me." Rei said, "Up yours." Usagi said, "Kiss my ass." Rei said, "Bend over" Then Luna came by and told them, "Death is coming WITH BIG POINTY TEETH!" Then Ami came, and Rei pulled Ami away saying, "hide me, hide me." At a coffee shop, Rei asked Ami if she wanted to buy some tickets cheap. Ami said that Rei probably stole them off of some orphan, but Rei swore that they weren't hot. Rei also said that she would throw in the Encyclopedia Britannica. Then Ami said "What the hell." The night of the cruise, Usagi and Luna went to the dock. Usagi said that if she couldn't go on the boat, nobody could. Luna asked how. Then Usagi reached for a rocket launcher, but only found the transformation pen. Luna was shocked and called Usagi a fxxking psycho. But Usagi said, "Oh magic spirits of the pen, give me a rocket launcher." Instead, Usagi transformed into a twelve year old boy. Then Usagi stuck Luna into her lunch box, and snuck on board. Rei was wearing high heels, and Ami was wearing suspendies and a bra. The boat left the shore, hit an iceberg, and sank. Just kidding. Rei and Ami were looking for the bar. Rei wondered if her fake ID was going to work. Ami said if it does, to get her a Miller. Rei said that she should have a Miller Genuine Draft. Usagi and Luna went off to look for the bar, too. But Luna said that they must be in the wine cellar. Usagi said that they might have her favorite brandy, but Luna said she'd rather have scotch. Then Jadeite came in a ship's captain uniform and asked Usagi what she was doing. Usagi thought that the captain looked like a dork. Usagi asked Jadeite to help her in her quest for the Holy Grail. Luna was in the lunch box and smelled leftover devilled eggs. Rei had a thought. If they could get enough money together, they could buy an infindibulator and execute her plan to take over the world. Ami said that she should have asked Greg Taylor to come along. Usagi was hanging onto Jadeite's arm. Then Tetris (in a sailor outfit) came and asked Jadeite why he had a boy on his arm. Then Luna told Usagi that the captain had a BO problem. Tetris and Jadeite were arguing over "Silence Glaive Apply/Surprise." Usagi and Luna saw them talking through a window. Luna said that they must be ninnies since everyone knows its "Surprise." Rei and Ami were eating veal. Rei was wolfing down a lot and also making a lot of noise. Ami asked her if she knew what veal was, but Rei said, "Shutup, it free!" Then there was an announcement. "Will the owner of a Mako-chan doll please report to the information center." While everyone on the ship gathered to claim the Mako-chan doll, Tetris started singing Ring Around the Rosey. Rei and Ami knew that Tetris' singing sucked something fierce, but everyone else thought it was a great show. Meanwhile Usagi and Luna were running around looking for the restroom. Usagi had no idea where it was and she really had to go. Eventually Tetris said, "we all fall down!" And everyone did. Rei and Ami were the only ones left standing. Jadeite said that Rei and Ami were no fun because they don't play along. Then Tetris asked, "Why are you such party poopers?" Rei and Ami both got ticked. Then Tetris sent a cheesy monster after them. Rei and Ami wanted to fight, but they couldn't transform because everyone would see them naked. After Usagi came out of the restroom, she transformed into Sailor Moon. Sailor Moon arrived at the scene just as Jadeite and Tetris were going to take a trip to Vegas. "For Sigfreid and Roy, I'm wearing a skimpy outfit... Sailor Moon! In the name of the moon, I'm going out for pizza. Then Tetris attacked Sailor Moon because she hated black olives on her pizza. They practiced jumping through a window and Tetris got Sailor Moon against a wall. "If only you knew the power of the Dark Side." Meanwhile, Sailor Mars blasted the other youma easily while doing her best Beavis impression. "Fire! Fire!" Then Sailor Mercury and Sailor Mars went out to join in the brawl. Sailor Mercury used her bubbles o' death to wrap Tetris in bubbles. Tetris said, "kinky." Sailor Mars used her "fire in the hole" attack. Then Sailor Moon used the moon tiara action in the hopes that Tetris wanted to play Frisbee. Before the Sailor Senshi could rest, Jadeite appeared and said, "Cheaters! Cheaters!" Jadeite was going to blast the Sailor Senshi, but he suddenly realized that his time for the boat rental was up. Queen Beryl had brought Jadeite back to the dark kingdom. Queen Beryl was royally pissed. "Smooth move, Ex-lax." But Jadeite said that she should take a chill. When the youma power disappeared, the luxury ship turned into what looked like a large pile of dung, and all of the people on board had to get rescued. Rei was feeling disappointed. But she said that she would still come the next time she lifted some tickets. Usagi said that she would too. Rei said that she wasn't invited, and they started exchanging mother jokes. Ami just opened a copy of Mixxzine and ignored them. _____________________________________________________________________ Things you don't hear every day #23 | Steve Allen Richards | The Thane of Cawdor "But Windows 95 is always so stable." |