Bishoujo Senshi Sailor Moon episode 19 Episode title Usagi kangeki! Tuxedo Kamen no love letter Usagi gags! Tuxedo Kamen's love letter Nephrite looked into the stars and wondered what turned Sailor Moon on. It was Tuxedo Kamen. Usagi was coming home from the 4H club and she looked in the mail box. There, she found a letter from Jerry Lewis. Usagi was very concerned about those poor children. When Usagi opened the letter, she found out that it said, "Bring the money in small unmarked bills to the Wal-Mart tonight. Come alone." Usagi was amazed that she got a letter from "The Beaver," but Luna knew it was a different Jerry. Usagi wondered if she could soak off and reuse the stamp. Luna thought this was terrible. "You can't fraud the postal system! They'll come after you with automatic weapons." But Usagi's mind was elsewhere. She had an itch to get and was waiting for the scene change. The next day at school, Usagi found out that everyone was registered Democrat. Usagi was very disappointed. None of them even knew who Bob Dole was. Naru thought he was the guy in the Nissan commercials. Then Haruna came in and told everyone that the toga party at her house was canceled due to fumigation. Truthfully, it was because Haruna's dog nabbed her toga and took a huge tear out of the ass. At school, Luna told Ami what the capital of Tokyo was. Ami said that she was going to have Luna fixed. Motoki and Mamoru were at the game center. Motoki challenged Mamoru to arm wrestling. Mamoru chickened out. Then, Usagi walked in obviously very upset. Mamoru thought that Usagi was depressed because she bet on Tyson. Usagi yelled back, "I lost five bucks ion that bum!" Motoki told Usagi that Mamoru wouldn't arm wrestle him. Then, Usagi cried out, "You're such a wussy!" Ami was at Rei's house; they were playing "doctor." Rei was in bed because she was the patient. Rei was a little frightened because she didn't know what kind of thermometer Ami likes to use. Ami said it would be a surprise. Sanjouin Masato was at MS clinic. He was wondering what color to have his toenails painted. Then, Naru walked up to him and said, "There can be only one." She then asked if Sanjouin stole his car. Sanjouin was surprised. He wondered how Naru knew! Sanjouin thought that Naru must be an FBI agent. Then Sanjouin said, "I have a monkey. Would you like to touch it? Maybe later, then." and left. Naru thought that Sanjouin was a Negaverse general, but if he had a monkey, it was alright. Usagi was at home wondering if she should cover Luna's bald spot with magic marker. Usagi decided that she would go out and howl at the moon instead. So, Usagi got all pimped up. That night, Naru went to the MS clinic. It was closed, but she said, "OPEN SESAME" and the door opened. Naru figured that if nobody was there, she could heist the equipment. Then, Tuxedo Kamen yelled from the top of the escalators that it wasn't worth it anymore and he was going to jump. Naru recognized the voice and said that it was the land shark. Sanjouin said, "No, stupid; it's me!" Sanjouin almost tripped down the steps and blamed it on Naru. Usagi was walking down the street when her beeper went off. Ami asked Usagi what the quadratic formula was. Rei got upset because Usagi gave the Pythagorean theorem. Sanjouin was trying to get Naru to give him a ball of energy. But Naru said she was fresh out. Sanjouin called her a liar and drained one from her pockets. Usagi arrived at MS clinic and saw Tuxedo Kamen with Naru. But Usagi thought that the guy really needed a haircut. Then, Usagi made herself wear a short skirt. Meanwhile Mamoru was walking outside a bookstore when he got a violent attack of irritable bowel syndrome. It made him transform into Tuxedo Kamen. I hate it when that happens. Sanjouin was checking out what he got off of Naru. He said, "Wow! I didn't expect this girl to have such a big ball of energy. I wish all girls had balls this big." Sailor Moon came in and called Sanjouin a sicko. Sanjouin figured Sailor Moon didn't like his tuxedo and whipped it off. He said, "Ha ha, fooled you! You thought I was naked under this." Nephrite called out to SuperDuperMegaLuna. It tried to give Sailor Moon a great big kiss. Sailor Moon said, "run away!" but she fell down go boom. Then a red rose came flying by and smacked SuperDuperMegaLuna in the noggin. Tuxedo Kamen got in front of Sailor Moon and told her to look at his butt. Sailor Moon turned around and ran away. But Nephrite said SICK 'EM to SuperDuperMegaLuna. Sailor Moon wanted to play Frisbee with SuperDuperMegaLuna, so she tossed her tiara to it. Unfortunately, SuperDuperMegaLuna wasn't a good catcher. Sailor Moon apologized for whacking the big kitty and she and Tuxedo Kamen ran off into an elevator. Nephrite laughed because it reminded of those old Droopy cartoons with the elevator scenes. Sailor Moon was wondering if Tuxedo Kamen was going to do something perverted. Sure enough, he said, "wanna see my shaft?" Sailor Moon got her hopes up and followed him out of the escape hatch. She was very disappointed finding out he meant the elevator shaft. When the elevator reached the top floor, Tuxedo Kamen and Sailor Moon decided to have a little jumping contest. Sailor Moon lost and grabbed onto Tuxedo Kamen's hand as she fell. The elevator crashed at the bottom and Nephrite said, "Hey, that was pretty damn funny." Sailor Moon was hanging on and Tuxedo Kamen was saying, "Let go. You're chaffing my wrist." Sailor Moon paused and said, "What's you problem?" Tuxedo Kamen said, "I swear, if anything happens to my Rolex, you're in for it!" Then, Tuxedo Kamen stood on a big number sign on the wall and told Sailor Moon o get the hell off of his arm. Sailor Moon decided to jump on his back. Tuxedo Kamen said, "You know, this isn't my lucky number..." and kicked the sign off. Sailor Moon started to get a little giddy. Tuxedo Kamen asked her what was up. She asked him, "is that a cane in your pocket?" Sailor Moon just figured he was happy to see her. Just as Tuxedo Kamen decided to end it all, the elevator door opened and Sailor Mercury and Sailor Mars appeared and grabbed Tuxedo Kamen's arms. They yanked him up yelling, "grab the cradle-robber!" The Sailor Senshi and Tuxedo Kamen went up to the roof. Luna scolded Sailor Moon because she forgot her Medic Alert bracelet at home. Sailor Mars yelled at Sailor Moon for giving bad stock market advice. Sailor Mercury told Sailor Mars that she better calm down since she forgot to take that thermometer out. She was carrying Naru on her back and she said, "Look what I got, free youma fodder. I'm keeping her." Tuxedo Kamen said, "May the force be with you," and left. Nephrite was hanging out at his cool place looking at the job the contractor did on his ceiling while practicing his shtick. "Okay, this guy's sitting in a bar. He and orders a drink, takes it outside, and dumps it in the street. The bartender asks what he's doing. He says, 'One for the road!' Laugh, damnit, it's funny!" _____________________________________________________________________ Things you don't hear every day #36 | Steve Allen Richards | The Thane of Cawdor "You're out of soap in the restroom." |