From: Steve and good ol' Bob Dole Subject: Why I Don't Translate [VOLUME 38] Date: Tue, 22 Apr 1997 23:29:16 -0400 Bishoujo Senshi Sailor Moon episode 38 Episode title Yukiyo yamayo yuujouyo! Yappari youmamoyo! Yo, yo, yo, yo, yo! Whassup? The girls were at Rei's shrine. Usagi found a publisher's clearing house sweepstakes form and wanted to enter. Rei took a look at the form. She said that you have to buy a lot of magazines. Mako wanted the pro-wrestling digest. Minako said that Ed McMahon was a hunk. Usagi was surprised that Minako would say something like that. But she thought anyone was hot who says they may have won ten million dollars. Then Yuuichiro came and said that he had an idea. He said that he wanted to see how long he can keep five young girls up at his mountain resort before he got arrested. Rei was a little hesitant, but Mako said, "Cool." Kunzite had decided to send a youma on a skiing vacation. But Big Bad Mamoru came and said that Kunzite's shirt was unbuttoned. Kunzite said that Zoicite liked it. Kunzite looked at the picture of Zoicite that he had, and said, "Don't you, Sweetie?" The girls went to the mountains, since Luna and Artemis were unconscious. The girls stayed at Yuuichiro's mountain lodge since his parents were away. Rei was surprised that Yuuichiro hadn't done anything lecherous. When she asked why, Yuuichiro said that it was because he was becoming a priest. After a day of making snow angels, Rei was skiing with Yuuichiro. They had put money on who would fall first. Usagi, Mako, Minako, and Ami were skiing slowly on the flat slopes. Ami had the TV Guide in her hand and she was looking up the time slot for Honey Flash as she skied. Rei and Yuuichiro came and said that they should watch out for killer bears. Mako and Minako said they'd rather go to Burger King. Usagi also told them to leave them alone. But Yuuichiro said, "Fine, don't believe me, but don't come running to us when the killer bear bites off both your legs." When Usagi looked scared, Rei said, "and your arms." Usagi decided she'd be safe from the killer bears on top of the mountain. Usagi, Rei, and Yuuichiro went up to the top of the mountain on the ski lift. While they were going up, Usagi looked down and thought she saw a killer bear. But Yuuichiro told her to drop it because it was just a bad joke and he was kidding about the killer bears. At the top of the mountain, Usagi saw a lot of sorority gathering. She couldn't believe that nobody had on a toga. The Japanese Equivalent of Vanna White was there. She told everyone that carrot juice constitutes murder. She said that it would suck if someone skied off of the cliff. "Anyway, if you don't get off of my mountain, I'm goosing you all!" Everyone quickly went down the mountain. But Usagi was still at the start line; she was looking forward to it. Then Yuuichiro came and pushed her hoping to collect her accident insurance. A little after Usagi, The Japanese Equivalent of Vanna White went down after all the girls threatening to goose them anyway. Rei was skiing like hell. There were a lot of girls following her. Then The Japanese Equivalent of Vanna White turned into Snow Bitch and created a lot of bumps on the course. All of the girls wiped out except for Rei and Usagi because they're the main characters and nooo, we can't have the main characters bite the dust. Rei felt some evil force. She realized it was just the Taco Bell she had earlier. Then Rei saw Usagi ski past her. Usagi skied through a pile of moose droppings. Rei called out and told Usagi that she should clean off her skis. Usagi yelled out that it would come off by itself. Then Snow Bitch caused a giant nikuman to roll down the hill. When Rei saw the nikuman, she called out and told Usagi to hurry. Usagi said, "****!" Being that the resort was built on a fault line, part of the mountain rose up around the ski course to form a road. Usagi and Rei skied down the road. Snow Bitch's nikuman kept rolling after them. Duh, what did you expect to happen? Yuuichiro decided not to be a priest after all and went after the girls. When Yuuichiro got to the nikuman, he decided it was time for a snack. But the nikuman just went over Yuuichiro. Then Snow Bitch caused the walls to close to try to smash the girls. Usagi threatened to have a conniption. Just as the closing wall caused enough distraction, Rei tried to hug Usagi. Usagi said, "Lay off the wallet!" Rei said, "I'm going to fall down a lot," and fell down a lot. Usagi just sat down and tried to set the time and date on the pendant she heisted from Cape-Boy. Rei decided there were enough sight gags at her expense and sat next to Usagi. Usagi told Rei that the pendant was Tuxedo Kamen's. She said that it never gave the correct time. Rei said, "It's a pendant, dumbass. Why don't you just hock the thing? Oh never mind, I see the BANDAI logo on it. You could put an ad on the net and try to sell it for thirty-five bucks." Then Usagi said that Rei should turn into Sailor Mars because the show was almost over and they hadn't used and stock footage yet. After arguing a little, Rei yelled out, "I've got a red stick." But just then Yuuichiro appeared out of the snow and asked about the red stick. Yuuichiro was going to turn hentai, but Snow Bitch appeared. Snow Bitch said that Rei must be her mother's nephew's friend's next door neighbor. Yuuichiro asked if anyone wanted to build an anatomically correct snowman. Usagi said, "Been there. Done that." Then Snow Bitch tried to take them out with her halitosis. Yuuichiro wanted to turn into a frozen novelty. Yuuichirocicle. So Usagi and Rei did their stock footage. Ta-daa! Sailor Mars said, "You think I was cold before, now look at my outfit!" and tried to attack the with Sailor Mars: The Flamethrower, but Snow Bitch dodged it and said, "Ha-ha missed." Then Snow Bitch was going to make Senshi on a stick. But Big Bad Mamoru came and grabbed it. Big Bad Mamoru said that if anyone was going to poke them with something, it's be him. Big Bad Mamoru threw a black rose at the Sailor Senshi. He then said that he accidentally dropped his rose and could he please have it back. Sailor Mars said, "Finders keepers." Then Snow Bitch appeared out of the ice wall behind the Sailor Senshi, and was going to pole vault over them. But Big Bad Mamoru threw a red rose and broke the pole. Then Sailor Moon set her crescent wand from "BROIL" to "CHANGE LAME MONSTER INTO THE JAPANESE EQUIVALENT OF VANNA WHITE." Big Bad Mamoru left and said that he had a roast to get out of the oven. The red petals of the rose fell off revealing that it was plastic. Rei went to Yuuichiro and kissed him. Later Usagi, Rei, and Yuuichiro setting fire to the scenery. Yuuichiro finally woke up. Rei swore that she never kissed him. Yuuichiro said, "I wasn't really asleep. Heh-heh." But Usagi said that he was a perv. Then Mako, Minako, and Ami came and asked why they weren't in the rest of this episode. Rei said that Usagi's had just won something. When Usagi asked if she won the publisher's clearing house sweepstakes, Rei said no, but instead she had just won a date with Ed McMahon. Usagi started crying because she thought Bob Dole was cuter than Ed McMahon. -- _____________________________________________________________________ Things you don't hear every day #25 | Steve Allen Richards | The Thane of Cawdor "That's the last time I eat glass." |