From: Steve with the Rabid Dachshund of Death® Subject: Why I Don't Translate [VOLUME 56] Date: Mon, 08 Sep 1997 23:01:39 -0400 Bishoujo Senshi Sailor Moon R Episode 56 Episode title Mamoru no kiss ubae! Ann no shirayukihime sakusen Mamoru doesn't kiss babies! Ann lost her shish kabob sausage. Usagi was at her table, and there was an Hooked on Phonics book open in front of her. Luna was hoping it was the scripts for all the Monty Python episodes. Usagi was busy meditating. Luna disturbed Usagi because Wheel of Fortune was coming on. Usagi got mad at Luna for disturbing her because she was concentrating on the Jeopardy questions for tomorrow. Ann was reading Rush Limbaugh's latest book in her room. Ail came and told her that he didn't like books. He asked her to go see Friday the 13th Part X with him. But Ann just kept reading. She was just thinking that the thought of Rush naked is scary enough. When Usagi ran to Rei's shrine, Rei said that Mamoru owns a donkey. Usagi thought she said Mamoru was a jackass, but Ami said that wouldn't happen for about six more episodes. Earlier, Mamoru was sneaking around the shrine trying to look in the windows when he stopped at the sacred 2x4's. He asked it, "Who the hell is this tsukikage guy?" The girls went to Mamoru and told him that his fly was down. They said that they should do the play Sleeping Beauty. Then Rei said that if anyone had a problem with that, she'd set their hair on fire. Usagi complained that Rei was a pyro. Mako piped up and said that she makes a *great* melon salad. Ecchi Rei stared at Mako. Then Minako noted that there was a Prince Charming in both Sleeping Beauty and Snow White. Ami said "that guy really gets around." Then Mamoru said, "when I was fighting as Tuxedo Mask, my boxers kept bunching up on me." All the girls agreed that would probably be uncomfortable. Then the girls started arguing about whether or not he should wear briefs. Naru and Umino came and said that the Yahtzee tournament was this weekend, but nobody liked Yahtzee. Mamoru commented that Boggle was a more fun game. Then Natsumi came down and said that she found a whole bunch of lint in her pocket and told everyone to have some. Usagi started crying because her piece had a spot of blood on it. Then everyone else stole the rest of Natsumi's lint, only leaving her with one piece. When Natsumi threw the paper down, everyone saw that she was a no-good litterbug. Later in their apartment, Ann asked Ail to put her hair in dreadlocks. But Ail complained that making dreads took too long. After Ann left, Ail called a cardian and told it to buy him a pack of gummy bears. While everyone was hanging out, Natsumi pretended to have taken a few sleeping pills. Everyone complained, but Natsumi said, "Look, I'm dying!" Usagi was demonstrating her self-cannibalistic tendencies by seeing how her fingers taste. Mamoru was going to bite Natsumi's nose, but she grabbed him and tried to choke him before it was too late. Mamoru got away and called Natsumi "psycho bitch from hell." Natsumi took it as a compliment. Mako and Rei were going to trade girdles. Natsumi left with Mamoru. Usagi wanted to poker her in the eye with an olive pick. Rei said that too much Wendy's chili isn't a pleasant thing to have before a big date. Mako said that Dave Thomas looked like her old boyfriend. Minako mentioned that her super attack wasn't "slutty." Usagi thought it was horrible and began to cry. Minako told her not to worry and that her attack was actually "flirty." Usagi couldn't believe that any terrible, terrible Usenet poster would have the audacity to say such a thing. Suddenly, everyone had the notion to throw pineapples at Natsumi. Ami informed everybody that she knew how to make a potato gun. Usagi said they were illegal in most states, but said she "never saw a thing." Everyone went to watch Natsumi to see if she was going to go through Rei's closet again, but she stopped before the shrine and asked God that the Bears win the Super Bowl. After Natsumi left, they all got the notion that she was really an alien named "Ann." The next day, they all practiced for a big sodomy fest. Don't ask. In the meantime, Rei and Mako planned on ripping off Umino's head and going bowling. Umino came up with the suggestion that they all dress up as Tuxedo Melvin instead of animals. Usagi was off in a witch outfit. Natsumi said that it looked like Ralph Nadir. Later Ann was practicing at home. Ail came and asked where dinner was. When Ann said they're having pig's feet, he lapsed into a fiendish nightmare where Usagi forced herself upon him. At home, Usagi was trying to sing the Star Spangled Banner. Shingo came in and ordered a double martini. For no reason, Usagi yelled that he was a "rat bastard." Today, they decided to take their disgusting and perverted animal act into the public. But when the curtain opened, the cardian in a clown costume was on the stage. The girls thought is was Doink or Bozo. The clown wanted to mosh. Natsumi was going to shake its hand, but the cardian thought she was going to get it with a joy buzzer and blasted her instead. Mamoru tried to give her a wedgie, but they both got knocked down. Natsumi thought Mamoru was dead and her necro- tendencies took over. Before that could happen, she got hit with a giant boccee ball. Umino yelled, "dogpile on Naru!" and everyone jumped into a big heap. Meanwhile, the cardian noticed that the audience had BO so severe that it could be seen floating through the air. Usagi got upset and transformed. As Sailor Moon, she said "You look pretty stupid," but the cardian didn't care and started attacking Sailor Moon. Suddenly, tsukikage no knight appeared and said "like my new turban?" All of the other Sailor Senshi's voice actresses had to earn their pay. Sailor Mars said, "Word up, biotch. You ain't down wit dat no mo'!" Sailor Jupiter said, "In the name of the moon... shit, that's not right." Sailor Mercury said, "I know a secret down in Uncle Tom's cabin. A little secret that I just can't tell." Sailor Venus said, "Though I'm not Sailor V anymore, I still get cash advances on the video games they make of me." Sailor Mars and Sailor Mercury wanted to kick some booty. Sailor Mars said, "Get ready for this. Ba-ba-ba-dang-dang-ding-di- ding-dong-ding... Blue Moon!" Sailor Mercury said, "Ah distinctly I remember, it was in the bleak December... It's popsicle time!" The cardian was a frozen quintessential delight. Sailor Moon said, "Hasta la vista, baby." She reached for a gun, but only found the Moon Scepter and used that instead. The crowd cheered because these Sailor Senshi were better than the live action show. Then tsukikage no knight had to make a pit stop, but said he'd be back for triscuits later. That night, Ann cried in her room because her puppy ran away. Ann cried, "I didn't kick him all that much!" Ail decided to sell his stock in DiC. ________________________________________________________ / Things you don't hear every day #44 \ / "No, I won't accept your million dollar bribe." \ /------------------------------------------------------------\ / Steve Allen Richards: Nice guy extraordinare! \ / Replying to me? Decode this: \ / Spamming me with a Usenet bot?: Try this adress \