From: Steve and good ol' Bob Dole Subject: Why I Don't Translate [VOLUME 69] Date: Wed, 07 May 1997 22:39:22 -0400 Bishoujo Senshi Sailor Moon R episode 69 Episode title Mezameyo nemureru bishoujo! Mamoru no kunou Oh, boy! Mamoru screws up again. Usagi was reading a heartwarming story to ChibiUsa at bedtime. "`In a dream, the Princess found herself in a crystal forest. There, she met a beautiful Pegasus.'" "Bullshit!" said Chibi Usa. "Oh, you think so, eh? Well, then she ticked that Pegasus off and he gored her with his horn! Hmm... she passed out." Usagi shuts the book shuts the book and is going to leave. "Smother her, Usagi. Do it now!" says Luna. "I can't. We need to get farther along in the season." Late that night, at his apartment, Mamoru wasn't sleeping well since he ate all that chili. In his dream, he and Usagi were at their wedding, dressed as Princess Serenity and Prince Endymion. Usagi says "Now wait just a minute! I told you to quit fantasizing about me in episode 26!" "Blimey!" Then the PCP kicks in and the scene crumbles. A voice calls out... Voice: "Chiba Mamoru! Come to the dark side!" Mamoru: "Never! Obi-wan taught me well." Voice: "Very well, if you will not cooperate, then I will be forced to say, 'Ni!'." Mamoru: "Mheh-heh. Are you threatening me?" Voice: "Solent Green is PEOPLE!!!" Mamoru: "Oh, shutup!" He wakes up. "Where's the pepto?" He picks up a picture of himself and Usagi. Suddenly the glass on the picture frame cracks and the Usagi in the picture falls forward... "Damn Wal-Mart frames." Early that same morning, Mamoru is standing on a bridge, wondering about surpassing the speed of light. He is about to spit into the river when Usagi happens to walk by. Usagi cheerfully greets Mamoru, mentioning how great it was that he quit using Skoal. Mamoru is deep in thought and ignores her. "If Teflon doesn't stick to anything, how do they get it on the pans?" Usagi, thinking that he was speaking to her, says "It's those Nanites, I tell you." then "Hey stupid, I'm talking to you!" as Mamoru runs off. Mamoru mumbles something about switching to Copenhagen, while Usagi yells after him asking if they were still on for Twister tomorrow night. Motoki and Mamoru were in a coffee shop debating over Brad and Aaron. Motoki thinks that SOS is the greatest thing since dai bow. Mamoru, however, doesn't trust Motoki since he's been hanging out on asfsm. Motoki was surprised since he never de-lurked, but said that it never affected his social life. Then the waitress came over to the table and said "Hey, you're the guy who didn't leave a tip last time!" *** The girls are discussing how to make $50,000 fast. Minako: "It's not a pyramid scheme, I swear!" Usagi: "Well... " Rei: "I asked my friend who's a lawyer; it's perfectly legal." Ami: "I made over $300,000 within the last month alone." Usagi: "Well... " Mako: "'Well?' That's a deep subject. Turn it sideways... and you get a tunnel!!!" Usagi (obviously preoccupied by other matters..): "Should I give myself a blue mohawk?" Luna: "Usagi-chan! Your friend is from the _NEGAVERSE_!" Artemis: "That's right! We have to stop them." Usagi: "Is that all you two ever say?" Just then, Mamoru and a girl ride by on a motorbike. They were about to blow a red light, but there was a cop nearby. Mamoru curses and lifts his visor. Usagi sees them and runs over. Usagi: "Hey, how'd you afford the bike?" Mamoru: "Crack dealing." Usagi: "What????" Mamoru (to the girl): "She thinks I'm serious." Girl: "Mamoru-san, How did you really get it?" Mamoru: "My pimp fees." Usagi is crushed. "I must need a raise." She starts crying. Mamoru (to himself): "Oh, hell. Now she's going to get the union after me. Time to make myself scarce." Later, that night, Luna hears a rat in the house and wakes up, hoping for a snack. However, she finds Usagi sitting on the floor eating something. Luna asks Usagi if she ate her rat. Usagi says that she might have since she wasn't paying attention. Chibi Usa was listening from behind, and runs off, sick to the stomach. "I deserve at least $20 more a week." Chibi Usa is still thinking about the rat and leaves the house. She almost gets run over by a truck driven by Ming, and then stuff shoots out of her head or something. Luna feels the power of _THE NEGAVERSE_ and tells Usagi. The two go out at night to try to get mugged. Up in the UFO, Rubeus suddenly decides to order a pizza. He sends Petz and Karaberas to get carry out. Petz and Karaberas find Chibi Usa on the street and ask where the nearest pizza hut is. Since Chibi Usa won't tell, they try to beat her up. Luna and Usagi (she's in pajamas) run up and Usagi transforms. "Damnit! You always pick the worst times to show up. Spoon Baptism Shower, Shut Up!" Karaberas has grabbed Chibi Usa and is about to do something to her. "How about a waltz?" But a voice from behind says "She likes the tango!" Petz and Karaberas: "Sailor Moon!" Luna attacks Karaberas for saying the obvious. Sailor Moon: "If I had my script with me, you two would be in trouble. I'd chew your ear off with me 'love and justice' spiel, I'll tell ya!" Karaberas says "Sailor Moon! Come on down. You're the next contestant on The Price is Right. But, instead of having Rod Roddy appear, she brings out a cheesy monster who chants, "Ooh - ee - ooh - ah - ah..." It floats above Sailor Moon and Chibi Usa pretending it's a pigeon. The droid is smoking a cigar through its head. The power of the 'Joya de Nicaragua' stogie is so powerful that it causes Sailor Moon to collapse. Luna shouts at her: "Sailor Moon! You just sat in something!" Sailor Moon says "Aw shit." "Ha ha! That's right!" says Karaberas. Then, the rest of the Sailor Senshi came to join the party. Karaberas and Petz got in a huff because Rei wasn't invited, so they leave for the party at Bob Terrell's house. Sailor Mars yells "He's a hentai!" Karaberas yells back "He is not!!! Didn't you read his rant? Hey, cheesy monster! Make these girls pass out as well." Then they leave. Luna warns the Senshi not to sit in anything. The droid was about to light up a 'Swisher Sweet Perfecto' while saying, "Ting tang walla-walla bing bang!" Then Sailor Mars tosses a 100 yen note at it. The droid goes poof. But the droid returns, as a dark cloud of second hand smoke. She reminds the Senshi how dangerous this is and proceeds to enter Sailor Moon's lungs. Sailor Moon starts to glow, as the Sailor Senshi try to wake her, but she won't wake up. Sailor Moon is dreaming. In her dream she is on a narrow bridge, yelling about the last state of the union address. The Sailor Senshi carry Usagi over to a park bench and consider leaving her there for the night. Sailor Moon still hasn't woke up. She is dreaming that she is floating on a life preserver on a choppy sea. Mamoru's image appears in the sky... (Big deal. Jadeite could do that, too.) Luna decides to make Mamoru suffer here too, so she runs off to get him jumping from rooftop to rooftop (Big deal here. Even Zoicite could do that). She gets into his apartment and wakes him up by jumping onto his stomach. She tells him that next time, she'll land lower. "Listen to me, there's a big scene going on and you're sitting here like a dufus!" Mamoru is shocked. Luna says: "Now get some clothes on and join in." Mamoru: "well...." He thinks that if he's got to put clothes on, it's not going to be a fun scene anyway. Luna: "You keep this up and you'll never appear in the fifth season." Mamoru hurries to Usagi on his motorbike. "Sailor Moon! You should see this transformation!" He pulls the cycle into the air and transforms into Tuxedo Kamen. (I could do that) Meanwhile, Sailor Moon is still dreaming. In her dream, Mamoru is always in the distance and she is trying to go to him. "Quit moving away. Get back here. You pud." Sailor Jupiter shouts at her because she's getting double scale pay and is asleep. Sailor Mercury says "I have to re negotiate my contract!" Tuxedo Kamen shows up on the motorbike. He holds her and calls her name. She responds! "You can't go. You still owe me five bucks." Then he resuscitates her. The smoke comes back out of her. "Mamo-chan." Sailor Mercury: "So, what do you guys think about Ellen?" Chibi Usa's hair is pink. But the droid returns! "I wasn't done singing!" she yells at Tuxedo Kamen. She pulls out a sword from INSIDE HER HEAD!!. Sailor Moon yells "That's gotta hurt!", and gives Tuxedo Kamen a good shove so he doesn't get stabbed. He gets stabbed anyway. The droid keeps moaning "Ting tang walla-walla bing bang!!" Sailor Moon yells "I hate that song!", then uses the Moon Phallic Symbol to destroy the cheesy monster. Tuxedo Kamen: "Sailor Moon! I owe you one." Sailor Moon: "So I can have a raise...?" Tuxedo Kamen: "No, don't be silly." Sailor Moon: "But, Darien..." Tuxedo Kamen: "Darien? Who's Darien? I am Prince Darien." Sailor Moon is confused. "What?" Tuxedo Kamen (to himself, as he walks away): "Just kidding." Later Usagi is in the coffee shop and runs into the girl on Mamoru's bike. Well, she doesn't actually run in to her... Usagi: "Uruhara Unazaki-san? You know about Sailor Moon!" Girl: "Yeah! I was thinking; what if someone make a cartoon out of it." Usagi: "Do you think people would watch?" Girl: "Sure. Even if the plot lines get hacked up by an American company, people will still go absolutely nuts over it." Usagi: "Aren't you overdoing it?" Girl: "No way. I'll bet there will even be a newsgroup where the otaku hang out." Usagi (to herself): "Imagine... a show so popular that people that time out of their busy schedules to chat about it, argue over it, and even write ridiculous stories involving it." She finishes her drink. "Nah! It'll never happen." _____________________________________________________________________ Things you don't hear every day #26 | Steve Allen Richards | The Thane of Cawdor "Up yours, your honor." |